In an unprecedented act Biden took executive action to resolve the border crisis by seceding Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas to Mexico.
“During a late night chocolate chip ice cream binge while watching an episode of 60 minutes upon hearing that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas doesn’t like the border wall because it’s “immovable” Biden was struct with an idea”, press Secretary Karen Jean Pierre announced.
“Yeah that bald guy with the poppy eyes gave me an idea, I do love chocolate chip ice cream, wait… where were we, oh, yeah, old bug eyes popped an idea into the old thinker”, Biden tapped his head, “I could just move the border and, well, that would solve the problem, borders in a different place, boom, just like that. But really it’s not really about the crisis at the border, it’s about Mexican reparations. Heck! Mexico is in the name of one of the states we gave them, and you know, remember the Alamo, you know all that stuff, they needed them back.”
Members of the United States Senate responded to Biden acting unilaterally declaring that it was “unconstitutional”, which was met with snickering from most people working in Washington D.C.. The Biden administration fired back saying, “It was totally legitimate it correlated with treaties sometime… in the past”, also stating that, “this had nothing to do with Biden’s unfavorable polling in the upcoming election and the electoral college votes.
Texans had mixed emotions about the move, “On one hand for years we have been wanting to secede from the United States, but this was not the result we were hoping for”, commented Travis Richards former U.S. citizen residing in the newly departed state of Texas. Some inebriated former citizens took turns coming with new state names like ‘Tex-i-co’, ‘Tex-Mex’, and ‘Mexas’ just to name a few. However there were others who decided to take their new unrestricted access to Mexico and form militias to combat the cartels, “Remember the Alamo!”, Arnold Jensen hollered followed by a chorus “Yeah!” from an assembled posse, “Let’s get’em boys!”, Jensen cried as they all charged on horseback, motorcycle and heavily modified off-road vehicles across the once border to Mexico.
This article is satire, no dolphins were harmed in the the creation of this article
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