In a stunning move, Matt Gaetz a man known for leaping before he looks, engaged in partisan afflicting decision by filing a motion to vacate then current Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy. The entropic move has left the House of Representatives without a Speaker and much caviling over who the should be his replacement.
As part of the bureaucratic protocol McCarthy appointed a speaker pro tempore, Patrick Mchenry. The fabric propellor wearing gavel galumpher has taken to the new role enthusiastically and some have suggested that his powers be expanded as the expeditionary search for a human well versed in political speech, otherwise known as humbuggery, can be procured in the place of speaker of the House.
With the ensuing chaotic search for a new speaker and multiple failed attempts to elect a new one the representatives decided to expand the powers of speaker pro tempore, Patrick Mchenry. Upon Mchenry assuming an expanded range of powers a mysterious illness overtook him and as his speech began to slur and he collapsed on the podium mumbling a few words with an out stretched arm signaling for the door. With haste he was rushed to the hospital and members of the House became bewildered as to what to do finally arriving at electing a replacement; However one representative spoke and said that they believed that Mchenry in his last mumbling of words had appointed a replacement. “I believe he said Roofus.”
“Roofus, the feral dog that hangs around the capital?”
“Yes.”
“This is bad idea,” there was a pause as all the representatives looked at each other desperate for leadership and decided that they would go ahead and have Roofus be speaker pro tempore in place of Mchenry.
Within a few hours the dog was wrangled, feed, bathed, and with a few resistant snaps at staffers partially clothed.
High spirits abounded as Roofus took the podium and struck the gavel signaling his arrival into the political pageantry.
One representative noted that Roofus has made much political inroads with promises of back scratching and belly rubbing.
This article is satire. No dolphins were harmed in the creation of this article.
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