As California’s death spiral increases by the day, some counties have decided to no longer be crushed by the decisions of Sacramento. California is one of the bluest states in America, has a super majority of Democrats in it’s states legislature, a Democratic Governor who parades around the country and foreign nations without regard for the people he is suppose to be governing at home, many of cities are Democratic strongholds, and strangely enough even has voters voting for Democratic candidates who have been indicted by the FBI, yet with all the adherence to the Democratic delusions the state has not become a Utopia.
As the laws passed by the fatalistic hive mind know as Sacramento that has caused retail crime to skyrocket, more conservative counties that don’t adhere to the death doctrine of the Democrats in California have had their sheriffs step up to bring order back to their part of the state. The sheriffs have implemented a limited deputization program to those in the retail industry allowing them to take action against the feisty fiends who pillage stores across their counties. The program allows retail workers to apprehend looters without repercussions from law enforcement and to exert unlimited force to deter and detain criminal activities and other exigencies taking place at the retail location.
California Governor Gavin Newsom appalled by any interference to completely make over the state into a socialist dump snapped back saying that “The situation would have fixed itself as I have pushed minimum wage up causing consumer goods to raise and by using inflation to tamp down on crime making the cheapest of goods astronomical, so that stealing those goods would constitute a felony counter acting the law that raised the monetary limit for being declared a felony higher.”
A frustrated citizen Allen Theoson complained that now everything is overpriced and he can’t really afford to live in California adding “It will not matter that things are expensive now. The liberal Soros backed District Attorneys will just not charge people for rapacious behavior and any other criminal act that is deemed acceptable in the eyes of wokeism, and the state is just going to be flushed down the toilet.”
In an effort to counter act the sliding step of socialism, Riverside’s Sheriff Chad Bianco has gone one step further in his limited deputization by extending it to all the citizens of Riverside county. “Not only are we offering self defense and tactical offense classes to retail workers along with the limited deputization to help them combat retail theft, but we are extending the deputization to the rest of the citizens of Riverside in an effort to parry the years of decline in Constitutional gun ownership inflicted by the state of California which has implemented laws claiming to be about safety, but ultimately turning normal citizens into second class ones by denying them the ability to access guns that they are constitutionally allowed to own and carry,” Chad Bianco stated at a press conference.
A fuming Newsom called Democratic cohorts into a legislative cabal to pass bills stripping law enforcement of their legal authority trying to leave California powerless to resist the decent into a socialist nightmare.
This article is satire. No ibex were harmed in the creation of this article.
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