Disney desperate to foist more wokeness through Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity (D.I.E.) on it’s streaming platform has rebooted a flop from the 90’s that no one asked for, but Disney decided to breathe life into the gender questioning movie “It’s Pat: The Movie”. Evolving from a reoccurring SNL sketch where no one knows if Pat is a man or woman and there seems to be mounting evidence of the question becoming more nebulous with every interaction. The updated tutorial in wokeness now features the same premise, but with the added twist of the surrounding characters trying to get Pat to change sexuality, but first they must figure out who Pat is in “Trans Pat”.
Now set in the modernity of the current purported societal shift toward gender fluidity, Pat is thrust into situations that explore the far reaches of depraved consciences of the current woke generation.
One such scene has Pat engaging with a menagerie of 20 something’s in a dark dimly lit conclave of chemical experimenters, a.k.a. drug users. Gathering around in wobbly ellipse as bodies are strung over each other, Pat tries to tip toe around people as they wiggle, writhe, and twitch. Beckoned by a co-worker who invited Pat, the androgynous four-eyed fro wearing individual shuffles against lingering appendages of spaced out druggies to make a seat.
“Sorry”, a high pitched crack squeaks out of Pat’s mouth.
Several other people join them seating down.
“I’m glad you came Pat, it’s time you let go and release some of pent up feelings.”
“I don’t know if I can. This whole place is outside of my comfort zone.”
“Don’t worry we can give you something for that… I’ve already started,” Cindy extends her arm and folds out her hand revealing an assortment of pills, “and I feel powerful,” a deep gravel voice ejaculated from Cindy’s mouth reminiscent of a scene from Little Nicky. “Sorry,” Cindy’s voice returned to her, “I’m a 2 spirit, and that was my incubus, Damien”, Cindy let out a giggle.
A look of worry flashed over Pat’s face, “I shouldn’t take anything. I have some medical issues, as well as, IBS.”
“They say that IBS can be connected to early life stress,” interjected Zal, one of the people who joined Pat and Cindy.
“Well, I don’t know-“
Zal slipped a small white tab onto Pat’s tongue, and Pat’s eyes grew wide. Sliding back Pat slipped into aberrational consciousness.
Floating through warm bright colors as if swinging through a lava lamp, Pat gawks at the surroundings. Particles swim and swash then dissolve into a figure floating before Pat. “Who, what… Wayne Brady, why are you here?”
“I’m your pansexual spirit guide.”
“My pan what?”
“Your pansexual spirit guide, I’m here to show you all the ways to get your groove on”
“I’m not really good a dancing. I’ve always had two left feet. Not in real life, I was-”
Wayne Brady interrupts Pat, “I get it, I get it, but I was talking about getting down.” A befuddled look creeps across Pat’s face, and Wayne starts again, “getting busy, boogaloo, bump, do the nasty. I can see your not getting it. I guess it’s time for a song.” Wayne floats back away from Pat and music starts to fade in and Pat looks around wondering where the music is coming from and Wayne begins to belt out, “When you’re pansexual, there’s nothing off limits, you can mambo a man, frisk a female, hump a horse, poke a pedo, and have coitus with a corpse.”
Pat reacts to each in shock as not only is Wayne singing the words but engaging in the act as the object or person appears in a puff of smoke in front of Wayne, and as the suggestions gets worse Pat becomes appalled at witnessing each exploit.
“Because pan means all, there’s nothing off limits, you can have a tea party with a trans, grind a girl, boink a boy, orgasm in an oak, diddle a duck, grease a grandpa, nut crack nanna…”
The scene continues on for another five minutes with a whole host of outrageous sexual suggestions bringing Disney to a new low of grooming and desensitization. The rest of the movie descends down the D.I.E. rabbit hole in an effort to normalize taboo and deleterious behaviors.
This article is satire. No Paraguaian hairy dwarf porcupines were harmed in the creation of this article.
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