After a win to convict a group of anti-abortionists from blocking an abortion clinic Merrick Garland seeks to expand the reach of the law. Being convicted under the FACE act (Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances), which is a law that seeks to punish those who intimidates, interferes, injures or obstructs someone from using a clinic (one that is only providing reproductive health services, a.k.a. abortions, and no other type of clinic) or a place of worship, where some of the activists simply stood near the entrance and people could actually walk around them to use the entrance and were not “rendering impassable ingress to or egress” from the clinic. Still Merrick Garland’s DOJ sought to charge the activists.
With the win Garland’s akraisa, really it’s hard to know if he has as morals at all, kicked in and he took a flight of fancy rocketing past pondering his next move and acted on the FACE act obstruction charges that were rendered. Stretching the law he now employed a new strategy, one that would have him locking up everyone in a 15 mile radius of any abortion clinic.
Garland’s new strategy was to arrest anyone who hindered in any way or slowed the progress of anyone who was seeking to have an abortion. He reached out and tasked the FBI to seek out women who want to have an abortion and follow them to the clinic. Upon finding several potential fetal flingers the FBI strategized upon how to tail the subjects, as well as, execute arrests on anyone who interrupted to path of the abdicative adult and their dumpling.
One team decided to tail the dumper in an unmarked black SUV. The jetsum-er traveled in her vehicle followed by the FBI team which found a target almost immediately. Another vehicle in front of the child chucker did not immediately accelerate at the green light at a traffic stop, which caused the FBI team to fly into action ejecting themselves from the SUV and storming down upon the vehicle rending the flummoxed driver from behind the wheel. The FBI team dragged the dizzied driver back the SUV and had another agent commandeer the drivers vehicle to free the travel of the tot tosser.
Other teams found more success as they shadowed different baby booters. One such instance happened at least 200 feet from the entrance of a “clinic”, as the woman neared her mother’s friend, Sandra Wilkinsen, recognized her and this startled her. With extreme prejudice the FBI SWAT team flew into action tackling Sandra to the ground dog pilling on her. Ten officers piled atop her as muffled screams puffed from the bottom of the pile. She was then handcuffed, gagged, and dragged into a waiting vehicle.
Within a few days Merrick Garland seated himself in front of a podium holding a press conference. Garland stated, “Today the Department of Justice has accomplished the most successful sting operation in it’s history targeting ‘Domestic Terrorists’ who refuse to let individuals peacefully dispose of future citizens, taxpayers, mothers, gems of unseen worth, which would stop the curation of the future cultivated by those of unscrupulous concerns of self indulgent narcissistic fantasies by a projected idealism from sudo-sagacious civilist, and we cannot have such a revolt by propitious conscience.” In all the Department of Justice oversaw 4,637 arrests in a period of one week in a test city, which Garland insisted would be expanded under a Harris administration.
This article is satire. No Asian Palm Civets were harmed in the creation of this article.
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